We will remember them

I really should have written this blog before Remembrance Sunday but my head has not really been in the right place.  One of my husband's (John) close friends from the army was amongst those who were shot and killed by a rogue policeman in Afghanistan.  RSM Darren Chant was 40, recently married in August to Sheenie who is expecting their first child together.  Daz has three children from a previous marriage and was a real family man and a larger than life character.  I will always remember his grin and his wit.  John has known Daz for some 20 years plus.  Daz was one of John's recruits in the depot - no doubt John put him through his paces.

Remembrance Sunday was poignant this year.

What makes you who you are?

Today I had the privilege of conducting a service renewing a couples marrage vows on the occasion of their 25th wedding anniversary.  Mark and Gill have had a tough time recently as Mark nearly died.  It was a great to have been asked to take the service for them - but why me?  I am not yet ordained and I am still searching for that church to which God has called me to.  I am at present nomadic - a pilgrim on a journey.  Is this perhaps a way for God to affirm my calling?  Am I to be a pastor to the pastorless?

Mark and Gill were married in an Anglican church and it was to this church that they returned 25 years later to renew their promises before God and in the presence of their children and their partners.  The service was short, yet intimate and extreamly moving.  God was there and His presence was real.  I wouldn't have missed it for the world.  Today nothing else mattered, no essay, no lecture or anything else was going to get in the way of the task in hand.  I can't say that I felt particularly upbeat today - more miserable like the weather.  (It has rained most of the day.)  But today I had a commission - a job to do - a priestly role to fulfill.  Is seems strange but yet perfectly normal to be standing at the alter in an Anglican church.  (I am an eccumenical.)  The vicar did not mind me conducting the service, Mark and Gill wanted me to do it, I wanted to, and more importantly, I feel it was what God had called me to do today. 

But I am left with a question - what makes you who you are?  Is it a label?  Is it an ordination service?  Is it what you do?  Is it other people?  Or is it God?  I am who I am.  Imperfect, a bit moody at the moment, inadequate in so many ways and a sinner.  But by the grace of God I am forgiven, redeemed and made perfect by the blood of the lamb.  I am a child of God and it is God who makes me who I am.  Today, dispite the rain, it has been a good day.

Is this the right way?

Listening

How do you know that you are truely listening to God?  Recently I really felt that God was directing me in a certain direction but alas the door was closed.  I am left pondering as to whether I did actually hear what God was saying or not.  Is this just all part of his plan and part of my journey in life or was His will stopped in its tracks?  I am convinced that discerning God's voice is a corporate thing and that together as the church body we seek out HIs will but what if the body gets it wrong?  I guess we are all infallible individuals and churches are made up of infallible people so it is not surprising we get it wrong on occasion.  I am sure it grieves God when we don't walk in His will and go off on our own agendas and I am thankful that He is a God of grace who forgives us when we make mistakes and ask for His forgiveness.


My hope is in a God who knows my deepest thoughts and fears and who shelters me under His wing in times of trouble.  I am blessed to have many lovely people who are praying for me and in these last few weeks I have felt at peace.  At peace that no matter how events turn out God is with me and feels my pain because it is part of His pain too.  At peace because God knows how expectant I am and how excitted I am to follow Him.  At peace because I journey on the road that Christ journeys.    

Tuning problems

I finally managed to change the strings on my guitar.  Well, except the bottom E string that broke in the process - so I put the old one back on.  I was more than a little disappointed by the sound I was getting from said guitar but after much fumbling around it now sounds half decent.  As decent as I can make it sound anyway.  I have owned my current guitar for the last 7 years and I am ashamed to say that I have had the same set of strings on it since John bought it for me as a birthday present all those years ago.  Having since looked up on the internet what strings the guitar came with (D'Addario EXP 16) I found out that they are meant to last 4 or 5 times longer than others.  Strings are normally changed at least every 3 month, depending on wear, so I think mine have done rather well!  The strings did of course loose their tone after 7 years.


My guitar playing is coming along; although I am still very much a novice and don't intend playing in public just yet.  It strikes me that our own spirituality often has tuning problems.  We keep playing the same tune on the same set of strings and wonder why we are getting the same toneless tune.  We loose the top and bottom ends of the notes because we fail to change our strings regularly.  It is not that we stop hearing God altogether but we do miss out on all that he has to say.  Should we not at least try to change the way in which we approach our spirituality from time to time in order that we can fully appreciate all that God has for us. Or are we too lazy or too set in our ways to try?  Why just listen to the bass notes in a song when there is so much more on offer?  Don't get me wrong every now and then it is good to crank up the bass - but variety is the spice of life as they say.  It is all too easy to get stuck in a rut and fail to explore all that God has for us.  But if we are to move on in our own spirituality and in our relationship with our creator then change is a necessity.  It might take a while to get the tuning right and you might find that something doesn't work.  Don't worry if you really don't like it you can go back to you old strings.  But new strings will enhance your experience and lead you to new songs that are waiting to be played.


Incidently I don't really like my new strings (Martin custom lights) and have ordered some D'Addarios off the internet.  I have ordered two set - which means I intend to change them a bit more regularly!!!


P.S. I think my strings deserve a sabbatical - what about you?

Jack

Here is Jack and his mummy Danielle.  Born safe and well 

6lb 9oz on 22 September at 3.55am.