Who Am I? The spiritual search continues

Wednesday was a busy day for me. In the morning I went to Billesdon in Leicester for some newly qualified minister (NAM) training arranged by the East Midlands Association. Then it was back home to put together a Bible study on Women in the Bible, vacuum the lounge (a must with two cats), eat tea, and lead the house-group. I think working a 13 hour day was a bit of a mistake but nevertheless an enjoyable one. 

The house-group is newly formed and has been, until now, an all female affair. It was perhaps ironic that we welcomed our first man to the group given our study topic. I shared some of my experience of what it was to be a female minister and the gender inequality that existed in the church as well as reflecting on why we don't hear so much about the women in the Bible. 

Who am I? is a good question to ask. I am no-one special really, just me, but I am a women with a call to ministry ingrained on my heart. Sometimes I would like to escape that, and indeed I have tried to deny the calling, run away from it (for over 10 years), given it back to God, fought it, and eventually given in and followed that calling. It has not been, and isn't easy but this is part of who I am.

Earlier in the day at the NAMs training we looked at the subject of spirituality, a topic close to my heart. The sessions were taken my Revd Dr Tim Mountain who has just been appointed as a tutor at Northern Baptist Community. His teaching was excellent and I am sure he will be a great blessing to the college.

After spending time in worship we looked at some definitions of spirituality, such as that from Alistair McGrath (Christian Spirituality, Blackwell, 1999).

Christian spirituality concerns the quest for a fulfilled and authentic Christian existence, involving the bringing together of the fundamental ideas of Christianity and the whole experience of living on the basis of and within the scope of the Christian faith.

For me spirituality is about the way in which I connect and engage with the living God, be it in the still small voice that makes the hair on my arms stand on end, or the vastness of the Grand Canyon that reminds me of how awesome God is. God speaks to us in lots of different ways but we have to take time to listen to and experience God for ourselves. 

We looked at the criteria for Christian spirituality, such as, our core beliefs about who God is, and our 'rule of life' (our regular routines that maintain our relationship with God), and the different ways that we engage with God noting that whilst we may do that in many different ways we all have a preferred method. For me connecting with God comes most naturally through nature, normally pottering around in the garden. Even today's half an hour of pulling up weeds helped me to pray and to focus better on God and what really mattered. I think I might do this every Friday when I am trying to write my Sunday sermon!

After a little discussion on spiritual direction and whether we have a spiritual director (I do), we were invited to take part in several spiritual exercises. It was good to have some time to spend alone with God. For me the following exercise entitled 'Who am I?' was the highlight of the day, although the worship was pretty fantastic.

• Choose an object that suggests something of who you are and the journey you are on.
• Reflect on the reasons you have chosen it.
• Do you think you would have chosen it a few years ago? Why?
• Express your thoughts and feelings to God in prayer - perhaps silently or by writing them down.

           (The purpose of the exercise is to reflect on the person God is at work on.)

This is a picture of my choice of objects, well some of them. There were also an onion I was tempted by but here is my choice. I later found found Tim had chosen the same object when he had done the exercise a few years ago. 

So who am I? What are the similarities between what I chose and who I am and the spiritual journey I find myself? 

• It is bright, cheerful, and fun. So am I, most of the time.
• It has an empty space needing to be filled. I have a need to be constantly filled with the Holly Spirit.
• It has a wiggly line around it. Life and my walk with God is full of highs and lows or as I like to refer to them as hills and valleys.
• It has a bit of a chip. Like me it is not perfect.
• There is a red line around it which reminds me of the blood of Christ and the healing that he brings me.
• There is a green line around it - my mind turned to being sea sick for some reason. Life can be so hectic. It makes me dizzy and a little sea sick at times. I guess I am also a little green behind the ears as a NAM.
• There is a brown colour at the bottom of the mug which reminds me of the earth. I am earthed and rooted in Christ who is my foundation. 
• The cup reminded me of the women at the well (I preached on this last week). Jesus asked for a drink but he had no bucket or cup to put the water in. After meeting Jesus she went into the town and said, 'Jesus knew everything about me.' God knows everything about me.
• As I selected the mug one of my friends laughed. I asked them why and they said because of the obvious. I wonder if people do think i am a mug sometimes, perhaps I am for following this calling. Others may think I am a mug but actually I am the carrier of the cup of the Lord, offering others a drink of living water.  

Would I have chosen this a few years ago? No, probably not. In my other life (pre-ministry training) I was a financial adviser so I would probably have chosen a calculator or something similar. Have a look at the photo above, or around your home, pick something to represent you and do the above exercise. There are no right or wrong answers just be open and engage with God. Feel free to post your comments and let me know how you get on.  

Who am I? The spiritual search continues. I like to think I am very self-aware but there is always something new to discover about what makes me the person I am and indeed who I am in Christ.   

     

Just another Manic Monday

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it were Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday

The Bangles

There was a time when Sundays were a carefree 'funday' with no running around and no work!  Life as a Baptist minister means that Sundays, although often fun, are generally busy.  I have tried to make Mondays less manic.  Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't.  There is always the unexpected visit or pastoral emergency.  There is always paperwork.  There are always emails and phone calls.  There is always the next sermon to plan and write (Friday is normally sermon writing day).  Today, amongst other things, I sorted out my in-trays, filed some stuff away and wrote several to-do lists.  On my to-do list was to write another blog.  It is nearly midnight as I write this.  I guess today skipped over to tomorrow.  At least it didn't rewind to yesterday.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday.    

Lennon, John Winston / McCartney, Paul James

I had in mind to blog on a new subject today but my mind keeps skipping back to the previous subject of women bishops.  I preached on women in ministry on Sunday.  I hope I did the subject justice.  Justice is, after all, what it is all about (see my post Women Bishops and Baptists).  Before the recent general Synod many thought progress was being made and finally women could be consecrated as a bishop in the Church of England but it looks as though that problem is here to stay, at least for the time being.  In the Baptist tradition we have regional ministers.  Some joke that they are our bishops but, with decisions being made in the church meeting and thus government is bottom-up rather than top-down, they are not quite the same.  The Baptist Union of Great Britain (BUGB) is rather like an umbrella that shelters and protects its member churches.  Baptist churches are self-governing and free to discern the mind of Christ for themselves.  BUGB has no Synod to say what must happen in its member churches only advise.  They can advise and support the calling of women ministers, like myself, but they cannot tell a church they must accept a women minister or even allow one to preach.  BUGB seeks to support and encourage women ministers and to help educate its churches.  This is being done and yet I want to ask for more.  If we want society to take us seriously then we cannot preach justice on a Sunday and ignore the needs of our sisters in church.  Whether we are male, or indeed female, we all need to be encouraged and empowered to be who God has called us to be.  What use is it to pray that God sends his Holy Spirit to equip the church if we are going to ignore the gifts of more than half of the congregation.  I am not saying that all are called to lead the church.  I am saying that God calls women as well as men to do so.  It is clear that women need more encouragement than men to use their gifts and take up their calling.    

My journey to ordained ministry has been a long one with many twists and turns, I guess that's life, it began when I was about 16.  Having ran away from my calling, having tried to ignore it, having given it back to God only for it to come rebounding back I finally said yes to God.  Having completed my training it took me an extra year to find a church to pastor.  In the meantime I put that time to good use and completed an MA in mission, perhaps that was God's plan for me, but part of me just wanted to get out there.  Now I am 'out there' part of me wants to study some more, but that's just me.  I like to study.  I like to write.  It is part of who I am.  There is more I could tell you about that difficult journey but I prefer to live in the future rather than dwell on the past.  The future mission of the church lies in the hands of women and men.  It is God's mission not ours.  He has equipped his Church.  She is ready...

 Rise up church with broken wings
Fill this place with songs again
Of our God who reigns on high
By his grace again we'll fly.

Delirious

 

               

 

Twitter, Blogs and Mumblings

I have been an avid Facebooker for the last six years, or so, it suited me especially whilst I was at college.  Facebook however, has now taken a backseat in favour of Twitter. I have only been twittering properly for the last month. To be honest I couldn't get my head around it so I stayed dormant in my egg. For those of you that don't tweet - you can upload a photo of yourself to Twitter but until then a picture of an egg remains for all to see that you haven't quite cracked it. Twitter is a brilliant way of networking with those you wouldn't normally have contact with. It looks outward into the world, where as Facebook is much more inward looking.  It is not only a brilliant networking opportunity but a way of sharing thoughts and feelings and making new friends.  

Many of the people on Twitter also have a blog. Over the last few days I have enjoyed other people's blogs as well as sharing my own.  I have been greatly encouraged by the response to what I have written and I hope I have also encouraged others.  The subject on everyone's twitter beaks, blogging fingertips, and Facebook lips is the subject of women bishops. Turn on the T.V. open the newspaper, or sit in a cafe and the same mumblings can be heard. My heartfelt cry is, 'Wake up church!' It's time to change and accept women in leadership or become (even more) irrelevant to the average man and women on the Street.

Earlier I read Andy Goodliff's blog and his post 'There is a line of Women' quotes the words of John Bell's hymn that has been shared on Facebook and that Catriona Gorton has written an extra verse to. Please follow the link and have a look for yourself at their thoughts. I was inspired to write a reply to Andy in verse.

Here is the hymn:

There is a line of women 

extending back to Eve

Who's role is shaping history

God only could conceive.

And though, through endless ages,

Their witness was repressed,

God valued and encourage them 

Through whom the world was blessed.

So sing a song of Sarah

To laughter she gave birth;

And sing a song of Tamar

Who stood for women's worth;

And sing a song of Hannah

Who bargained with her Lord;

And sing a song of Mary

Who bore and bred God's Word.

There is a line of women

Who took on powerful men

Defying laws and scruples

To let life live again.

And though, despite their triumph,

Their stories stay untold

God kept their number growing,

Creative, strong and bold.

So sing a song of Shiphrah

With Puah close at hand,

Engaged to kill male children,

They foiled the king's command.

And sing a song of Rahab

Who sheltered spies and lied; 

And sing a song of Esther

Preventing genocide.

There is a line of women

Who stood by Jesus side,

Who housed him while he ministered

And held him when he died.

And though they claimed he'd risen

Their news was deemed suspect

Till Jesus stood among them,

His womanly elect.

So sing a song of Anna

Who saw Christ's infant face;

And sing a song of Martha

Who gave him food and space;

And sing of all the Marys

Who heeded his requests,

And now at heaven's banquet

Are Jesus' fondest guests.

John L. Bell @ 2002 WGRG, Iona Community, 
4th floor, Savoy House, 140 Sauchiehall St, Glasgow G2 3DH Scotland.   

And my response:

There is a long line of women

Numb and full of pain

Wondering if life

Will ever be the same.

There is a long line of women

Weeping at the cross

Wondering if you

Will mop their tears

And take away their pain.

There is a long line of women

Holding hands in unity

Waiting for you to do the same.

By Revdjo

I took this at an art exhibition in Gloucester Cathedral

Women Bishops and Baptists

My own journey as a women in ministry has not been as easy one.  Opportunities to preach and to use my gifts have been sadly lacking.  There have been times that I felt rather much life a jack-in-a-box waiting for someone to push the button and release me from my confined black box.  Thankfully God's light shines in the darkness and I have never lost my hope of truly being the women of God that I am meant to be.  We are all a work in progress and I will never be the finished product this side of eternity.  

Having spent 15 years as a financial adviser I have been used to working in a man's world where basic salaries were higher for men than women just because they were men.  In the world of commission based sales however, gender is not an issue as earnings are dependent upon performance.  I liked this levelling of the playing field.  Most people are not paid by commission but are salaried.  I have no idea whether the gender pay gaps are getting smaller, or not, I hope they are.  I hope that more women are being promoted to executive level.  To me this is an issue of justice.  It is not really about the money.  It is about having an equal playing field and the opportunities available to you whether you are male or female, and indeed whether you are black or white, able bodied or disabled.  It is a question of being able to reach your full potential and not being boxed in, or hitting some kind of glass ceiling, or as someone on twitter referred to as 'the stained glass ceiling.'  Today the Church of England Synod discussed, prayed, and voted as to whether women could be bishops.  Today was a sad day and I weep with my Anglican clergy sisters.        

Synod voted: 

House of Bishops 44 for, 3 against, 2 abstentions

House of Clergy 148 for, 45 against, 0 abstentions

House of Laity 132 for, 74 against, 0 abstentions

The measure for women bishops is not approved. 

Today there was also good news, Ellinah Wamukoya was consecrated as Southern Africa's first Anglican bishop.  Wow!  Fantastic!  Hallelujah!  Thank you Lord!  Why not in this country?  You can argue theology all you like but for me this is about the 'old boys network' and a church culture that needs to change.  

Looking at the results of the Synod's vote an obvious conclusion can be drawn.  There is a need for church leaders to teach their congregations (the laity) that there is no male or female in Christ, that women have been given the same gifts to lead and indeed have been called, by God, to use those gifts.  I am not an Anglican, I am a Baptist minister who believes in the priesthood of all believers but also that God calls individuals, men and women, to lead his church.  I have no desire to be a bishop, that's not my bag, but if the Anglican church are going to appoint bishops let them appoint my sisters as well.  The need to teach our congregations this important lesson is necessary in Baptist churches and indeed across our denominations.  Violet Hedger was the first female to be accepted for training for Baptist ministry in 1922.  Ninety years later there are still many Baptist churches in England and Wales who will not entertain a women as minister.  Opportunities are limited for my Baptist minister sisters as well.  Will this still be the same 100 year after Hedger was accepted for training? 

Please let my sisters and I out of the box.     

The Light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.  John 1:5

   

Monkeys, trees and friends

Catching up with friends is always good. Whether it is walking and talking looking at trees at the arboretum or monkeying around at Bristol Zoo. No man, or indeed woman, is an island we all need friends and family to love us and to support us in what we are doing. Even God realized he could not live alone and chose to live in community with Jesus and the Holy Spirit as part of the Trinity. God extends the hand of love which He reaches out to humanity asking for us to live in community with Him. Some of us fully embrace His out stretched arms, others turn and run the other way or simply fail to see Him. You can be the most loving person in the world but what use is that love if you cannot share it with another? You can be the funniest person in the world, but what use is laughter when you have no one to laugh with? Love and laughter are better shared. So too are tears and heartache. Spirituality is about drawing close to God and sharing our love, our laughter, our highs and our lows and all our longings with God. But there is also something about sharing it with others. The church is the community of God. It is the people rather than the building. It is the church's responsibility to offers the hand of God to those who do not know Him. But yet so often it fails to do this. I long for a church that embraces the outcast, that is in touch with the real world and wants to get their hands dirty. Am I living in a dream world? Or is this a vision of the Kingdom of God?

I have been blessed this last week by monkeys, trees and more importantly some very good friends. I have laughed at the monkeys, stood in awe at the trees and have shared these experiences with friends who have also hugged and loved me. So where is God in all of this fun and friendship? He is right there with me. Enjoying the monkeys and the trees and embracing the friendships. I guess I should mention that the tree and the monkey friends are actually all female ministers - I also managed to speak to another three this week either in person or on the telephone! We are all trying to work out our callings in light of our femininity. We are all trying to be ourselves in a church that is dominated by male leadership but yet filled predominantly with females. A church that many men feel is effeminate. What can we bring to the church or perhaps more importantly what can we bring to those who feel rejected by the church, those who feel they don't fit in or those who feel the church is irrelevant? We bring ourselves - women who are searching for God's heart in our daily lives. Women who want to serve to the best of our ability. Women who are prepared to stand up and say, 'I am a women minister, called by God equipped to serve His church.' Two of us are still looking for a church where we can serve God and work out that calling.