Reflection

It's not easy to see a true reflection of ourselves. Our view is distorted, the lens clouded by our own misconceptions. The anorexic see themselves as fat, when the reality is they are far too thin. The proud see themselves as always right, when clearly no one can be right all of the time. The teenager always sees their spot as enormous, when often it is just a pimple. God however, sees us as we are. He has no rose tinted glasses or distorted views. He sees the true picture and he sees our heart. We can pretend to be what we are not but there is nowhere to hide from God. Adam and Eve tried it in the garden of Eden, they were soon uncovered, in more ways than one.

Sorry to those of you following my Lent blog but I lost my way a little. Part of me got bored in blogging every day. The other part of me thought my words and photos just weren't good enough. My frame of mind clearly distorted reality. I often find myself being self critical. Perfectionism is a difficult one to master. I seem to be rather fickle when it comes to writing. I am in love with writing but the love blows hot and cold with the pressures of life. I guess that's normal but I crave the consistency and depth of the deep love affair. Love needs encouragement, it needs time to be nurtured. It needs day trips, and holidays, and nights in front of the fire. It needs passion to survive. It needs tenderness and patience.

We all have struggles, we all have distorted views of ourselves. We all need encouragement to see ourselves as a God sees us. 

I hope God has been talking to you, I'm sure he has. Stop for a moment and ask God what he sees when he looks at you. Don't be deceived by your own distorted view.

Lent 2014 - 12th April: finding voice

Today's simple pleasure is that of 'finding voice'. Maybe finding our own voice isn't that simple? I think it takes time to find out who you are enough to voice your thoughts and feeling but it shouldn't. It seems we are brought up to conform and do as everyone else does. We are taught to sit quietly with the rest of the class and to learn from the teacher at the front. If we speak out we are told off and learn not to do so. Learning to behave is good but what if that learning to behave means that we loose our uniqueness in the process? I don't really have all the answers and this ramble is, as always, me speaking and thinking out loud. Blogging for me is the simple pleasure in which I am learning to find my own voice. 

Finding voice comes in many forms of self expression. It could be art, or drama, or preaching, or singing, or simply speaking up for ourselves. Finding voice is as much about speaking out for others as it is for speaking out for ourselves. I think most people find the former easier, I know I do. Standing up and speaking out  in whatever form takes courage. It should be much simpler but society, learnt behaviour, and childhood hang-ups get in the way. 

Tonight I watched Britain's Got Tallent (yes it's back). There was a young lady performing who had fought through the pain of being bullied and found helself through singing, in this case Opera. She had a magical voice which projected the emotion of what she was singing. She had found her voice and it was a lovely thing to watch as well as hear.

Finding voice is a simple pleasure but we need to step out in faith, take one step at a time, and get beyond the pain barrier to find it. Have you found your voice yet? I encourage you to do so and promise that it will eventually bring you a simple pleasure.

Lent 2014 - 26th March: writing

I find a simple pleasure in writing. Anyone who knows me well will know that spelling is not my strong point, even when I know how to spell a word I will make a simple error. It is often in haste to get words on a page. I love to write. If I'm writing an essay I normally write too many words and have to edit large amounts. I can't seem to help myself when words start to flow. I have a few ideas in my head at the moment of things to write but alas I am struggling to concentrate fully on the task. Blogging through Lent is a way of disciplining myself to write a little every day. Hopefully it will encourage me to write more. 

Imagine...spirituality of writing

 

I happened on a television program tonight, Imagine...Jeanette Winterson: My Monster and Me. As they talk about inspiring writers and a love of books I have felt a need to write. Jeanette's life story is an interesting one of struggle and rejection. A sense of shame, despair, and self destruction and a way of coping through the world of books. Her creativity and use of English language is apparent through her spoken world. A working class girl, who despite it all managed to study at Oxford University. In February 2008 Jeanette tried to end her life. Her cat scratching her face as she passed out through carbon monoxide poisoning in her garage saved her life. As she came through she spoke out the scripture, 'You must be born again.' Her adopted mother, Mrs Winterton, would quote scripture at her as a child. The same Mrs Winterton who threw her out the house, and mistreated her. The mother who rejected her because of her sexuality. Jeanette seems not to hold any bitterness of her childhood choosing to forgive.

I haven't read any of Jeanette's work but I intend to. I love books. I always have. The smell, the texture of the page, the woven stories that they contain. There is nothing like a good book. As a child I always had books to read.  Paper to write and draw on and on my birthday, if I was lucky, a new pallet of paints. I have been trying to find the creative Jo that exists within me. The blogging has helped but there seems to be more creativity wanting to find expression some how. I don't yet know what form that will take only that I journey with God as I rediscover that what has been dormant for so long. There is a story to be shared and new ones to be created.   

Mrs Winterton wanted her daughter to be a missionary. Jeannette says, "She did get what she wanted because, I am, but just not for Jesus.. its for the power of the word. I suppose even that is something of what she wanted because it does begin, doesn't it,  'in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God' and I suppose the word is God to me." The Word and the word collide for me. I am an ambassador for both. There is something about exploring my own spirituality by writing about it. Sometimes you don't know what you think until the pen hits of the paper, or the fingers hit the keys of the laptop. Potential is never realized until you step out in faith and give it a go. 

Out of the mist expression appears

brush strokes on a page,

words formed and made.

Out of my mind the world collides

acts of a play dance,

film credits surprise.

Out of the night sky suddenly falls

darkness and light,

humanity dawns.

Out of my heart emotions erupt

read and you find me,

ignore and I'm lost.

RevdJo